What is this I don't even

It doesn’t even feel like the same summer anymore. In just two and a half weeks, life has really begun to pick up, and it has been fantastic! This past week was training for the Soaring Over Seven summer camp for children special needs, and I can’t wait for it to actually start on Monday! While some moments were boring and seemed to drag on, it was nice to get to know my coworkers before things got started, we learned quite a bit about handling various situations we may encounter, be it with a camper, counselor, or volunteer, and on a side note it was also nice to get on a fairly healthy schedule. My coworkers seem great and I hope many friendships can be formed this year just like last.

As for my schedule, I’ve been going to bed between 9:30 and 10:00, waking up between 5:30 and 6:00. This first week has been tough in terms of the schedule, as my circadian rhythm needed a huge reset (your internal biological clock), but as the days went by things have begun to get easier, to the point that today I woke up at 6 as well. I’ve been consistently getting to work about an hour early, and that has provided a great opportunity to do my devotions for the day, which on top of learning about my Lord and Savior, it has helped prepare my mind and heart for the day, which is something I know I will need greatly come the actual camp. Depending on what I am doing that evening, I have either been going straight home from camp where I have read/worked out till it was time to go to bed, or headed to Starbucks and read until the event for the evening, such as Wednesday night church, or Tuesday night was the birthday party of a dear friend of mine. Even though it has only been a week, having this schedule, I can honestly say I just feel better, through the grace of God my outlook on life has become more positive, and I have felt a lot more driven to make something of my time.  I hope and pray this can continue as after the camp, for my full time job becomes looking for a full time job, and while I still am unsure of what I’d like to do, through my time in the scriptures and prayer, God has been showing me His faithfulness and I am far less anxious than earlier this summer, knowing that He will provide one all in His perfect timing, and will place me where I need to be. Granted that does not mean I don’t have to be faithful in looking, in fact I would argue it’s the opposite, even more so I need to search diligently, realizing that in the end it’s all in His hands and everything will be ok.

In terms of the scriptures, I’ve mainly been in Proverbs and 1st Peter. Continuing my normal schedule of a proverb a day based on the date, and then my young adult bible study on Sunday nights has begun 1st peter, so I’ve been trying to read the whole book once or twice through each day for the month we’re studying it. Two major things have stood out so far as I’ve been reading through the book. The first is the reason we love others is because Jesus Christ has saved us. Chapter 1:22-25 states “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.” And this word is the good news that was preached to you.” This idea presents itself elsewhere in scripture as well, 1st John 4:19 tells us that we love because He first loved us. The second thing that stands out is the fact that Peter tells them to submit to and honor their authorities, and strive through the persecution they are receiving as it’s actually a blessing (if they’re doing good) and that in the end they will receive Christ! It stands out because in 21st century America we as Christians sometimes complain greatly about the political party in office, but we must remember, Obama is no Nero! Obama is not out burning Christians and openly allowing their persecution. Even as religion is becoming more private and in our culture continually being pushed out of the public sphere, we can still worship God freely. Persecution is probably on it’s way as we see our society moving further and further away from God, and we must be ready for it, but for now we still have a great blessing to worship as we do, and must use that to stand out to world as followers of Christ even more.

For pleasure I’ve been slowly making my way through Lord of the Rings, I am now about halfway through The Two Towers, such an amazingly written and captivating story. I’ve also been reading Leading with Love by Alexander Strauch. Using 1st Corinthians 13 as his basis, Strauch goes through what love looks like and how that should be played out in a leadership position. This book has been a great reminder and picture of loving leadership as I am in a position of authority at the camp, having an assistant coordinator, two senior counselors, 4 counselors and any volunteers to oversee, as well as look after the kids! It’s been convicting in areas I have failed at many times before, and encouraging as it constantly reminds me to go to Christ and seek His and the Holy Spirit’s help!

Well that’s all I have for you today, as always thank you so much for reading! Please be praying that God will provide the grace, wisdom, and patience that will be needed to make it through each day at camp, and that He will use this month to stretch and challenge me greatly, forcing me to depend on Him even more. If there is anything I can be praying for you about feel free to send me a message and let me know!

One. Day. At. A. Time.

Well, it’s been just about a week since I expressed (in a painfully honest manner) the lackluster experience of my first month of post grad life. So today, I would like to bring you an update of sorts. First and foremost, let me express the fact that anything “I” have done is because of Christ (and the Holy Spirit, the whole Trinity really). It was the Holy Spirit who opened my eyes to the pit of sin I had fallen in and caused me to cry out to the Father, and Christ who interceded for me making me righteous in the Fathers sight, declaring me forgiven. And second, I would like to say that this is probably going to be a long drawn out process. While His forgiveness is effective immediately, the path of sanctification is a long one. Some days it will feel like I’m sprinting straight into the arms of Christ, taking long strides towards the man of God I seek to be. Others, I’m going to completely fall off the path, run in the wrong direction and seemingly lose all progress, only to be rescued by our gracious Father and placed back on. But most days are going to be slow paced, in a two steps forward one step back with a stumble here and there kind of fashion. Like that of a baby taking his first steps heading towards his father on the other side of the room who is graciously and excitedly calling out to him. Only this baby has his older brother right there beside him, guiding him the whole time, not so close to not let the baby fall, but enough to be right there to pick him up when he does. Though (at risk of mixing the analogies) sometimes that fall really does hurt, and there we are, tangled up in the weeds of life. At that time the father tells the older brother to let us stay there, and so we go on, feeling alone and deserted, crawling inch by inch with blood on our knees crying out, only for our eyes to clear and the storm to pass. It is then we see that we have gone much further than any time before, the ground we're standing on now is ten times more solid than it has ever been, and to our amazement, our brother was still there guiding us as well. Anyways, all of that was to simply say, this is not something that will immediately change, and through the help of the Holy Spirit and Christ, as time goes on I hope to move, slowly as may be, further and further along the path of sanctification each day.

In the days since that post, I have been able to start taking steps in the right direction. Firstly, God has granted me the grace to dive into his word every day since then, where I am making my way through the psalms, reflecting on a chapter of proverbs a day, and reading Paul’s letter to the Colossians each day as well.  Through that, and this is a brief way of putting it, I have been learning all about the majesty of God (the psalms), seeking the way of wisdom (proverbs), seeing all that God has done for us through Christ, the preeminence of Christ, the uselessness of self made religion, and how then we should live in reality of what God has done (Colossians). I have also been able to cut out a good chunk of time for my prayer journaling as well.

Second I have finally been able to dive into some books that I would like to read. I am currently two chapters away from finishing Voddie Baucham’s What He Must Be (if he would like to marry my daughter), where I have been learning all about the godly qualities that I must possess if I would like to be a fit husband one day (which by the way, I am fairly certain extreme laziness is NOT on that list, and is in fact warned against). I am halfway done with The Fellowship of the Ring (which technically means I have finished a book!), and I am making slow but sure process through JMAC’s One Perfect Life, which is more so an act of scholarship tying the story of the 4 gospels together in such a way that tells the complete story of Christ, and thus it is essentially more scripture that I am reading.

Thirdly, I have taken steps towards reorienting my schedule to that of a more normal human being. This process has actually been pretty tough, it has required fighting off desires to take naps in the late afternoon/evening, there have been some extremely late nights where I’ve lied wide awake in my bed, and the will it takes to force myself out of bed at a decent time in the morning (right now I am aiming at 10) is astounding, which sometimes I’ve failed. But hopefully this one will change quickly as training for the summer camp I’m working begins next week, and we need to be there no later than 8am. Just so you know this is the same summer camp I worked last year for children with special needs, but this time around I am going to be a Group Coordinator, meaning I’m overseeing a whole classroom (and technically a second one ran by the assistant group coordinator) instead of being a counselor specifically paired with a child. Though not a full time job this camp is something I loved immensely, and had a strong desire to return to (as a side note, it is yet another item I can put on the resume). 

Finally, I’ve been doing whatever I can to try and get out of the house. Like before, some of that time has been through church (though I missed this past Sunday because of father’s day) and visiting with friends. On top of that, each day I have tried to add a 20-30 minute walk to my schedule, and say yes whenever my parents have asked if I’d like to come along with them (for whatever errand it is). My dad and I were even able to get out and play some golf, which was a wonderful time we got to spend together. Any fresh air I can get has been a great help to the process of renewing my mind and reawakening my heart that began with the first step, God allowing His Scriptures to take hold in my life and using them to further conform me to the image of His son. 

Some things I’d like to add to the process are getting into a serious work out routine and diving into the job search with far a greater diligence than I have shown, but I am extremely thankful for the small steps that God has allowed me to take. Like I said earlier this process will more than likely be a slow one, so if you can continue to be praying for me that would be greatly appreciated, for those prayers are highly coveted and have far more of an effect than we will ever realize. As always, thanks for sticking around and reading all the way through, it means a lot! If you feel so inclined, shoot me a message (any way you see fit) and let me know how I can be praying for you as well!  

To anyone who might possibly care,

I don’t know how to say or admit this, so I am just going to start typing, but this first month of post grad life has not been in any way what I had hoped for. I knew I had wanted to take a few weeks off and put some time between graduating from school and the next phase of life, but that time has not turned out how I planned. I had high aspirations of reading the books I would like to, working out regularly, spending quality time with friends and family, getting involved at church, spending time daily in the word and prayer, writing blogs reflecting over my life sharing what I have been learning, and slowly diving into the job search. While some aspects have happened, such as the fact that I have faithfully been with the church as much as possible, either through Sunday Worship, the young adult bible study, and Wednesday night evening prayer and study, and have had wonderful times with old friends, most areas I have failed at miserably. Other than the one I read on the way home, I have yet to finish a book. I haven’t worked out a single time since being home and so (it’s like magic!)… put on a few pounds. I have written one blog in a month, barely even touched the job search, and most importantly my time in the word has been sporadic at best. Instead my days have mostly been filled with a whole lot of nothing: staying up absurdly late, Netflix, eating, sleeping at the oddest times of day, minimal interaction with people, facebook, surfing the web, longing for my time at TMC, and then some hours I can’t even put a finger on, but they just disappear. Like I said, I have gotten out some for church and friends, but when that’s how the rest of your time has been spent, the positive things feel like they barely happen at all.

Some of you know that I have a tendency to fall into extreme laziness, and that is exactly what has happened. I came home to a bleak looking post-grad life (a good number of my friends that graduated last year seemed discontent with their lives and even with jobs they felt like nothing was happening, a large amount of student debt which has caused me to feel stuck, and zero job prospects) and instead of handing it over to Christ and plugging away in diligence I gave up before it even started. When it comes to my time I know that I am supposed to be “making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:16)” When it comes to every seemingly menial task I am supposed to “work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23)” Yet in mere days, dreams of making more of this life for His glory turned into self-centered pleasure seeking unabashed slothfulness. I am fully aware of the harm in this and how disgusting it is, but what can I say; I love my sin, and love it dearly.

But there is one thing that deep down I know that I love more, even when the above would lead you to believe differently, and that is Christ. I know that “in him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28)” and that “from him, and through him and to him are all things. (Romans 11:36)” I know that He has purchased me with His blood, and de facto, my time. I also know that “the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)” And finally I know that “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us ours sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1^st John 1:9)”

So this is me, confessing my failures and expressing my need for your prayers. I know that Christ can awaken my heart and give me the desire, discipline, and wisdom needed to make more of this life for His glory, and I am crying out to those of you who care (I know you exist though sometimes I let myself believe you don’t) to come along side and pray for that as well. This has been a tough transition period for me, and so I would also ask that you pray that the peace that passes all understanding will take hold in my life as well and also pray for some practical opportunities (specifically a job). Though in the end I simply crave to be completely content in Christ, and live in light of that contentment.