But thanks be to God that I can rest in the fact that God has me exactly where I am supposed to be. The second half of Psalm 139:16 says “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (ESV)” Every moment of my life has been directed by Him and they are all according to His will, for my good, and for the purpose of sanctification (Ephesians 1:11, Romans 8:28, 1st Thessalonians 4:3). Let me reiterate: every trial, every triumph, every failure, every single thing that happens, is according to will of God, for our good, and for our sanctification. God has also promised to provide all that we need telling us not to be anxious about those things, and so a job (and maybe a wife?) will come in His perfect timing.
That being said, a good portion of why I am in the state I am, is due to my own sinfulness. I mean a good reason as to why the job hunt has been going so poorly is because I have been extremely lazy when it comes to the search. The acts of even filling out applications, formatting my resume, working on cover letters, or even sending out emails to express interest/ask for help/advice have been mental battles that I’ve far too often lost. Part of it is that I have no idea what field of work I’d like to go into and so I tell myself that I’ll attack the market once I figure that out, but if I’m honest with myself, the truth is I’ve been scared, pessimistic, and altogether selfish. Scared that I’ll step into the wrong job, scared to actually move on from and let go of the college lifestyle, scared to take chances, scared of change. I’ve been pessimistic by getting down on myself when a lead doesn’t come through, and allowing my self to feel down because a lot of my friends are gone for school, or the ones that are here all have jobs so it’s hard to see them all that often. To describe it in one word though, it comes down to the fact that I’ve been selfish. I have chosen more often then not to allow myself to wallow in self-pity, fall into idleness and run to my sin for comfort instead of running to Christ.
Thankfully, these are all things that by the grace of God are correctible, and it starts with preaching the Gospel to myself daily. I need to remind myself of the truths I spoke about in my second paragraph. I need to remind myself that I am a sinner who by the grace of God, has been purchased by the blood of Christ. On top of that He has also provided multiple means of grace that allow me to draw near to Him, and through the Holy Spirit He helps me to do so! And finally, I need to remind myself of the support that God has given me in my friends, family, and church. There are whole waves of people praying for me and to know that is so encouraging to my heart, especially when I let it dwell on that fact.
God has given me 23 wonderful years of life, and as I begin to look more at Him and less at myself, I cannot wait to see where He brings me in the 24th. As always, thanks for reading, and as I share about my life I hope and pray it is an encouragement to yours!
