And just like that… my undergraduate career is suddenly
over. I knew the day would come; I spent much of the past 4 months waiting for it.
But like most other days and phases, the moment has now come and gone, and yet
it somehow still snuck up on me.
If I were to write of all the things that I learned, all the
memories I created, and all the friends I made during my time at Master’s, I
would be typing for years. So instead I would like to reflect over some
highlights and what I will call ‘things I wish I did differently’ about my time
at that very special place. Some would call the “things I wish I did
differently” regrets, but I firmly believe that it was in a lot of those lows
God was teaching me something and drawing me back/closer to Him.
So here we go, and I’m going to start with and will be
spending this specific post expressing the things I wish I did differently
(mostly focusing on the first one), because well, I’m a bad news first kind of
guy. (The highlights will be coming soon I promise!)
1. The very first thing I would tell anyone that I wish I
went about differently with my time at Master’s is the amount of time I spent
pursuing girls. From the moment I thought of going to Master’s, the idea of
potentially meeting a godly Christian girl to be my wife began to take hold. It
took hold to such a point where I can easily say it became the clearest idol of
my time at Master’s, though that took me almost two and a half years to realize
and repent of. This isn’t to say that in those two and a half years I wasn’t
pursuing Christ, but my contentment in Him seemed to be found in Christ and relationships, not simply Christ for
who He is and what He’s done.
My first year at school was basically characterized by a
quixotic pursuit of girls, asking them out left and right, having more DTRs
then I’d like to admit, a lot of inappropriate and misguided emotional
attachment, and a lot of unnecessary pain and sadness. Here are a few examples
of ridiculous situations I put myself in. For one thing I literally watched a
girl develop a close friendship over the back half of the fall semester and
through Christmas break with a great friend of mine and decided to take a shot
at her before he did… yeah it was that bad. Later that spring semester I spent
a month and a half hanging out with a girl that never liked me, taking her on
dates, spending hours in the library doing hw with her, and having
conversations that we probably shouldn’t have had, all for her to say no to my
request to take her to Spring Party and by extension a relationship. And while
that had me devastated for quite some time, it didn’t stop me as I slowly
figured out two different couples (and great friends) in my life were trying to
each set me up with a different girl, and at spring party that year I spent the
night hanging out with two really awesome girls, one of them was one of the
girls a couple was trying to set me up with, but of course I became attracted
to the other. If you know me at all, you know that I wear my heart on my
sleeve, sometimes to a fault. And that school year it came to the point that
when I came in the room smiling and extremely talkative my roommates would ask
me so who is she? Or when I came in the room, put my headphones in, not say a
word, and heaven forbid start my homework they’d ask id something happen with a
girl that day. My moods were directly related to my current state of affairs
with yet another girl in my life. Oh and the worst part of it all is the fact
that today at this very moment, I would barely consider myself acquaintances
with any of the girls from that first year (well there’s the obvious exception
of the girl who eventually began dating one of my best friends). Not only did I
put myself in terrible situations, the aftermath was usually just as bad,
burning bridges as if those friendships never occurred.
Now the second year, God graciously provided enough sense
and wisdom in me to realize that the approach I had been taking was not quite
the way to go about it (to put it softly). So I ran to the exact opposite
extreme and barely even talked to girls at all. I spent most of that year
avoiding almost every brother sister dorm/wing events, or events that girls
would be at in general, including Disney Day and Spring Party, and was spending
that year building my friendships with the guys instead (half the time I
probably was playing video games with them instead of actually conversing if
I’m going to be honest). While there was a girl I went to fall thing with and
eventually had a DTR in the spring (of whom I can gladly say we have stayed
friends, in fact I can easily say she is one of my better friends that are
girls now), instead of attempting to approach friendships with girls in a godly
manor, I ran away from them altogether, which is just as wrong.
So here we are, my third and final year at Master’s. After
spending the summer learning what it meant to love unconditionally, I had by
God’s grace resolved to do things differently, but by no means did that mean
things went smoothly. In fact, it was that fall semester that I had done
something that I would probably consider to be the biggest “regret” of my life
so far. Yes, God did teach me a heck of a lot through it and in that sense I am
thankful for the experience, but sadly it was at the expense of hurting a dear
friend of mine. All I can say is this: NEVER EVER, do things in the name of
friendship for the sake of spending time with a girl, especially when she has
already stated clearly her concerns and cautions towards the steps you had been
taking, only to a few months later state intentions that clearly contradict
everything that you had said before and send her into a state of confusion.
Clear, open, and honest communication is key to every relationship, ask for
clarification if needed and be quick to offer it. For another, always remember that
we as Christians are to consider others as more important than ourselves and we
guys specifically are called to treat our sisters in Christ in all purity. When
I was blinded by the idol of a relationship (AS IF A RELATIONSHIP WITH YET
ANOTHER SINFUL PERSON WOULD SOLVE ANYTHING IN AND OF ITSELF), I became selfish
in my desires and failed to remember both of those things, and said and did
things that failed to take her best interest into account. I am extremely
thankful to be able to say that God indeed did work through that, and I was
able to have a wonderful experience of reconciliation with this dear friend,
and while I hope that friendship will continue
into the future, the lessons learned had immediate impact that next semester in
a situation I had with another girl. Oh and as a side note, the night before
finals week is just about the worst time possible to ask a girl to have a
DTR…yeah.
I guess I am
getting into a highlight here, but through that roller coaster of a fall
semester and God working on my heart over Christmas break, things have finally
started to look differently in my friendships with the opposite sex. Can I just
say how freeing it is to have God honoring friendships with a girl, and being
able to see them as a sister in Christ way before you ever look at them as a
potential wife! While I will definitely still fall short from time to time, I
can definitely say that God has begun to completely shift my entire mindset
about relationships, and that was shown most immediately in my final semester
at Master’s. There was a girl who though part of the early past of failed
attempts at a relationship, our friendship by God’s grace continued and grew,
and she had always remained on my mind through all the wreckage of the others.
Because of the past with her, certain situations this last semester caused
another conversation to be had further clarifying where she stood in terms of
our relationship, and caused me to come out and express feelings that were
still there. Thankfully through the openness of our conversations and her
willingness as a sister in Christ to work through things, there was no burning
of bridges, scattered ashes, or unnecessarily wounded hearts, and I can gladly
say that this girl remains to be one of my better friends and one of all my
time favorite people to ever walk the TMC campus. She is one of the wisest
girls I know, consistently pointing me back to Christ in whatever she has to
say, and she played a huge role in the lessons God taught me about girl/guy
relationships. I am forever thankful for her friendship and Lord willing it
will last far into the future. So to the guy who will get an opportunity to one
day win her heart, you are indeed a lucky one.
2. The second thing that I wish I went about differently was
my entire view of the education I was receiving it self. It took me 2 years to
learn that my education can be used as a way to love others, and was
preparation for one day serving in my home church. While there are times where
every college student needs to take a break from their studies and spend time
with people, I had erred far too often on the side of viewing my education as
an obstacle to my relationships, instead of understanding that it can be a way
to enhance them. I was constantly putting my friendships first to the sacrifice
of my academics, and it was (kind of ironically) through my time on SLS where
it’s all about relationships and community, where I began to understand
otherwise. Saying no to hanging out in order to finish homework can be just as
loving to others as dropping the work to go do something. This was something I
was working through up until the very end. My academic discipline was
definitely lacking (as procrastination ruled the day), and my grades could have
easily been better, as I had failed to invest as much time as I should of in my
education.
3. Thirdly I wish I had spent more time investing into my
church out there in Santa Clarita. I attended a small Presbyterian Church plant
named Grace Point Mission, and the feeling of intimacy you get worshiping with
a group small enough to where you know everyone gave me the false feeling of involvement.
When really, I was barely doing anything other than attending. Granted in a
church that small, there are very few service opportunities, but I easily could
have spent much more time with the families outside of church, and made a
better effort to be more involved, either through the pre church prayer time,
or mid week community group (of which I only attended enough to make sure my
church attendance for chapel was sufficient).
4. My fourth and final thing I wish I had done differently
at my time at Master’s is spent more time with the professors. Only on a small
campus like Master’s do you have the opportunity to get to know your professors
on an intimate level, and even befriend them. And what’s extremely special
about this place is the fact that the profs here are looking to do just that!
Many of them are extremely willing to offer any guidance and wisdom that they
can, and are seeking ways to help us out. In the business department
particularly the professors are highly involved in what they teach and all have
a biblically minded worldview and could easily be a great resource.
So ends my list of things I wish I had gone about
differently during my time at Master’s. First I would like to say thank you to
anyone who has made it this far and read the entire post! It was a long one and
I hope you walked out of this encouraged, either through seeing things that
Christ taught me, or for those who have not graduated yet seeing what not to do
and ways to take advantage of your time in school making the most of it for
Gods glory. The funny thing about the last three is that if I had not been so
caught up in that first area, I probably could have turned those other areas
into positives. But such is life and this was the path God designed for me to
walk down during my time at TMC. I am so grateful for everything that has
happened and I hope to share my highlights with you all soon!
