Autumn and The Faithfulness of God

These past few days of low 80’s during the day and mid 70’s in the evening have caused me to realize that I am oh so ready for fall to come around. It’s my favorite time of year: the amazing weather, the colorful and crunchy leaves, the long-sleeve shirts and sweaters (particularly flannel), and of course, all those pumpkin spice lattes. 

It is this fall though, on September 17th to be exact, that I am going to be 25, and I’m not quite sure where 24 went. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my last year as a CCS at Jill’s House, and now I want to talk about my 20’s as a whole as I approach the halfway point. Which if you want to get an idea of where I am going with this, I would encourage you to read this article, one I resonated with deeply, entitled ‘When Your Twenties Are Darker Than Expected.’

My 20’s started out on a high note, when I dropped everything and moved to California to go to a small Christian college I knew nothing about other than the fact that my best friend was there. That decision came after two years of what was essentially filled with depression and solitude, studying at the local community college taking mostly online classes and working part-time at my old high school. During my three years at Master’s I made wonderful friends, learned an incredible amount about myself and my God, and failed quite often. Check out my posts from 2012 through May 2013 to get a more in-depth look. In short, Relationships (particularly those of the romantic variety) were my idol, laziness plagued me, self-pity was my real major, and yet, God still worked in and through me. Those were also the years where I discovered my love for working with kids with special needs leading to my current job at Jill’s House. 

Other than the two years of community college, the first 2 months post Graduation were probably the darkest times I have ever experienced in my entire life. Feeling like I was expected to conquer the world, I crumbled at the weight of it all and threw in the towel before it even started. The depression was real, all hope was lost, and Christ was an afterthought. You can read my painful confession in the post from June 2013 entitled ‘To anyone who might possibly care.’ But it is in those dark times, like sunlight bursting through a rain cloud, that the radiance of Christ shines most bright.

Though the last two years have been much better and I can gladly say I’m the most content I’ve ever been, the time certainly has been filled with it’s own struggles. Often I feel stuck, be it my student loans, living at home, feelings of loneliness, reoccurring relational mistakes, or fighting the exact same sinful tendencies that I’ve seen in my life since the moment Christ opened my eyes. But if I’m honest, the things that at times make me feel stuck are actually helpful:

· Fighting sin is going to be a life-long battle, but in it I’m reminded of my need for Christ and reminded of the fact that He has already conquered it through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection and ascension, and because of that, there is hope.

· Relationship mistakes remind me I am already in the perfect family, I am a child of God, and the people of His Church are my brothers and sisters. My mistakes allow others to come alongside me and practice the one-another’s, and vice versa. The friendships I’ve built and continued to build post-college have been some of the richest and most fruitful of my entire life.

· Feelings of loneliness remind me that in actuality, I am never alone. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Never was anyone more alone than when Christ took the sins of the world upon himself upon the cross. And now the one who understands and loves me completely, lives in me through the Holy Spirit.

· God knows I desire to move out of the house and to pay off my student loans, and I think these are great things to desire. It means that even though I am content with where Christ has me, I’m not complacent. But I also understand this, God will supply every need I have. And right now, He has given me a job I love that at the moment financially only allows me to work on my student loans and have a social life. With that said I am also extremely grateful for parents who love me enough to let me stay at home during these years, and yet provide me with enough space to grow and face these things on my own.


In summary, so far in my 20’s, God has provided me with a college education, God brought me through an extremely dark time in my life, God provided me with my first job, God has given me some great friendships, He has lovingly let me fail and turn to Him through grace and repentance, and He is using all of that to continually conform me to the image of His Son. I expect much of the same in the second half of my 20's and I am so excited for all that God is going to do with 25! Thanks for taking the time to read!

The Struggles and Blessings of being a CCS

 One year ago, I was a part-time Childcare Specialist at Jill's House, but for the last 6 months or so, I have been full time. There have been both blessings and struggles (which are ultimately blessings) in becoming full-time, though I think that is the case with any transition. First-off, doing the job that I do full-time is an all around exhausting affair, mentally, physically, and spiritually. There certainly have been days where my patience has worn thin, my heart and mind have grown weary, and the monotony of it all has just gotten to me. In the summer most of my hours come from the 8-4 camp days, meaning I leave my house at 6:15am and get home after 5:30pm, which the traffic just adds to the mental strain of it all (though having evenings is extremely nice). During the school year, though the traffic is lighter, the shift schedule can be wearisome, whether that being a 12 hour double or working the 1-9 just to return at 6am the next morning (or sometimes both). And while there are tremendous upsides to working for an Organization based on Christian principles that has a very godly purpose, (which I will get to into in s second), sometimes the Christianity of it all can actually create the struggles. Yes, there are weeks when you need to make sacrifices, taking on extra shifts to fill the child to staff disparity, happily coming in on a moments notice to cover for a fellow staff-member who has called out, or working a shift you probably shouldn't be because of your own health, etc. But it is when those sacrifices have become the norm and the expectation, to the point where there is a shaming of the workers who don't make them every single time it is asked of them, all under the so called banner of loving these kids, that you create the burn-out and high turnover culture we have here at JH, both on the CCS and corporate side of things. One set of biblical principles: mainly service and sacrifice, have been propelled above another: rest, humility, faithfulness, longevity. And how ironic that a place designed to give and provide rest doesn’t understand the importance of it for it’s own employees.

With all of that said, the blessings of working here far outweigh the difficulties. First of all, to even work at Jill’s House, you have to at least nominally be a Christian, and have some idea of how your faith impacts the work you do. Within that we have a devotion and time of prayer before each shift, and conversations about faith with your peers are the norm, which is a very different picture from the typical work environment. Another aspect of that is the wonderful relationships I have been able to build. I go to a church that averages maybe 75 people, and I can count on one hand the number of people there who are in their mid twenties and single. Jill’s House helps me to have fellowship with those my own age. Second, the intentions of Jill’s House are ones worth fighting for, to provide rest for parents of kids with special needs by loving there kids with the love of Christ through overnight and daytime respite care, and pointing both the kids and their families to the one in whom eternal rest can be found all for His glory. This is the biggest reason why I love Jill’s House, for what we do and why we do it, despite how tiring it can be. Third, and I've said this one many times before, I have always told be people that no matter what I do, I want to love God by loving people, and for the time being, this is very much my literal job. How cool is it that I am paid to love these kids? Fourth, not only do I have like minded coworkers and can find encouragement that way, but these kids point me to Christ all of the time. They have taught me about patience, passion, finding joy in the small things, righteous anger, compassion, and many other things.

Jill’s House is an incredibly special place, and God has definitely used it to grow me over the last year (and really since the day I started). I am grateful for what He has already done in my life through this place, and am excited about what He is going to do in the time I have left, however long that may be. As always, thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you were able to find it profitable in some way.