It is this fall though, on September 17th to be exact, that I am going to be 25, and I’m not quite sure where 24 went. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my last year as a CCS at Jill’s House, and now I want to talk about my 20’s as a whole as I approach the halfway point. Which if you want to get an idea of where I am going with this, I would encourage you to read this article, one I resonated with deeply, entitled ‘When Your Twenties Are Darker Than Expected.’
My 20’s started out on a high note, when I dropped everything and moved to California to go to a small Christian college I knew nothing about other than the fact that my best friend was there. That decision came after two years of what was essentially filled with depression and solitude, studying at the local community college taking mostly online classes and working part-time at my old high school. During my three years at Master’s I made wonderful friends, learned an incredible amount about myself and my God, and failed quite often. Check out my posts from 2012 through May 2013 to get a more in-depth look. In short, Relationships (particularly those of the romantic variety) were my idol, laziness plagued me, self-pity was my real major, and yet, God still worked in and through me. Those were also the years where I discovered my love for working with kids with special needs leading to my current job at Jill’s House.
Other than the two years of community college, the first 2 months post Graduation were probably the darkest times I have ever experienced in my entire life. Feeling like I was expected to conquer the world, I crumbled at the weight of it all and threw in the towel before it even started. The depression was real, all hope was lost, and Christ was an afterthought. You can read my painful confession in the post from June 2013 entitled ‘To anyone who might possibly care.’ But it is in those dark times, like sunlight bursting through a rain cloud, that the radiance of Christ shines most bright.
Though the last two years have been much better and I can gladly say I’m the most content I’ve ever been, the time certainly has been filled with it’s own struggles. Often I feel stuck, be it my student loans, living at home, feelings of loneliness, reoccurring relational mistakes, or fighting the exact same sinful tendencies that I’ve seen in my life since the moment Christ opened my eyes. But if I’m honest, the things that at times make me feel stuck are actually helpful:
· Fighting sin is going to be a life-long battle, but in it I’m reminded of my need for Christ and reminded of the fact that He has already conquered it through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection and ascension, and because of that, there is hope.
· Fighting sin is going to be a life-long battle, but in it I’m reminded of my need for Christ and reminded of the fact that He has already conquered it through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection and ascension, and because of that, there is hope.
· Relationship mistakes remind me I am already in the perfect family, I am a child of God, and the people of His Church are my brothers and sisters. My mistakes allow others to come alongside me and practice the one-another’s, and vice versa. The friendships I’ve built and continued to build post-college have been some of the richest and most fruitful of my entire life.
· Feelings of loneliness remind me that in actuality, I am never alone. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Never was anyone more alone than when Christ took the sins of the world upon himself upon the cross. And now the one who understands and loves me completely, lives in me through the Holy Spirit.
· God knows I desire to move out of the house and to pay off my student loans, and I think these are great things to desire. It means that even though I am content with where Christ has me, I’m not complacent. But I also understand this, God will supply every need I have. And right now, He has given me a job I love that at the moment financially only allows me to work on my student loans and have a social life. With that said I am also extremely grateful for parents who love me enough to let me stay at home during these years, and yet provide me with enough space to grow and face these things on my own.
In summary, so far in my 20’s, God has provided me with a college education, God brought me through an extremely dark time in my life, God provided me with my first job, God has given me some great friendships, He has lovingly let me fail and turn to Him through grace and repentance, and He is using all of that to continually conform me to the image of His Son. I expect much of the same in the second half of my 20's and I am so excited for all that God is going to do with 25! Thanks for taking the time to read!
In summary, so far in my 20’s, God has provided me with a college education, God brought me through an extremely dark time in my life, God provided me with my first job, God has given me some great friendships, He has lovingly let me fail and turn to Him through grace and repentance, and He is using all of that to continually conform me to the image of His Son. I expect much of the same in the second half of my 20's and I am so excited for all that God is going to do with 25! Thanks for taking the time to read!
