So let’s begin with the idea that marriage can be and actually is for you. This is something I think both the original and response article get wrong. There are at least two ways it’s for you, marriage is something for you to enjoy and it’s for your sanctification. Proverbs 5:18-19 states “Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” While in context, these verses are about avoiding the seductive adulteress painted in the first half of chapter five and turning to your wife instead, they make a very important point, your spouse and therefore marriage is something for you to rejoice in and be intoxicated by. Next, marriage is also for your sanctification. A great article about that, which discusses this aspect in the context of staggering divorce rates and marrying the ‘wrong’ person, can be read here. Ultimately we know that the will of God for our lives is our sanctification (1st Thessalonians 4:3). Well, if getting married is a part of your life, then it’s part of your sanctification. Marriage brings out both the best and worst of each person that takes part in it, and it is the worst in us that God often uses marriage to exploit and then begin to cleanse. In Genesis God stated that “it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him” (emphasis mine), God presented Adam with a wife for his sake!
But this verse also gets us to the second point that marriage is also for your spouse. Relationships are a two way street, and in the same way that marriage is something for you to enjoy and for your sanctification, it’s also for your spouse to enjoy and be sanctified through. Marriage requires you in the most intense way to love another as you love yourself, and count that person more important than yourself. In marriage we are presenting ourselves as a gift to be given to and enjoyed by the other. As the original article in question so keenly points out, Sin (the article uses selfishness) contorts our thinking to ask the question “What can I get from this person?” but love asks, “What can I give?” On the other hand, like the response stating marriage is about God points out, “Marriage is not only about making your spouse happy, it’s about making them holy.” This is how it’s for their sanctification as well. Not only does marriage exploit our own sins, but it exploits theirs as well, and we need to lovingly point them out and point them to Christ.
Third, marriage is for others. Let us not forget that one of the major purposes of marriage is to be fruitful and multiply, aka, have children. So in one sense marriage is for them, but let’s look at another aspect. At the end of Ephesians 5, which lays out how wives and husbands should interact and how they ultimately become one flesh, Paul says something astounding, “This mystery is profound and I am saying it refers to Christ and the Church.” A godly marriage is ultimately a picture of Christ and His Church, and it is a picture that is meant to be seen by others. When the wife lovingly submits and respects the husband, and the husband sacrificially loves his wife as himself, nourishing and cherishing her, together they not only set an example for other couples, but they will ultimately point others to Christ (the final point), even single people. A godly marriage is a shadow of how Christ loves His people, and it is a shadow through which His love can be seen and experienced.
And finally, marriage is ultimately for God. Not only is marriage a picture that points to Christ and His Church as I pointed out above, but like the response article points out, it is also for His glory. In fact, all of life is ultimately for the glory of God, and it is something we as Christians should strive to live for. “So whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do all for the glory of God. 1st Corinthians 10:31” I’m fairly certain that ‘whatever you do’ includes getting married.
In a brief and very incomplete way, I hope I was able to show that marriage is not so easy to pin down. The Christian can gladly affirm an article saying it’s for your spouse, because it is! But not only for your spouse, it is for yourself, others, and ultimately God. And as always, thanks for reading!
