Well, we're almost two weeks into summer and I thought I would take some time to reflect a little bit over the school year and my hopes for the summer.
Academically this semester was both a success and a failure. The success is the fact that I was able to complete 18 units of course work, doing pretty well grade wise, 12 units being business courses, and not drop a class, when a year ago this was not the case. As 6 weeks into the spring semester of 2011, I was forced to drop my American Lit class. Thankfully the Lord grew me in that year, showing me the immaturity of my ways and my lack of discipline, though that did continue somewhat this past spring. The failure of this semester is that procrastination controlled almost every assignment I completed. I continually put assignments off to the last minute to do other things, and the worst part about it is, the other things I usually did were completely unproductive in and of themselves. Yes, I can shamefully admit that many times throughout the semester I would put off homework to play a video game with roommates.
Emotionally I think it has been a much better year this time around than years past. The two areas emotionally where I believe I grew the most this school year were in the realm of girls and social awareness. When it comes to girls, this year I only had one DTR talk as compared to the ridiculous and unhealthy amount that took place last year due to my immature mindset about finding a wife. And even more than the pure amount, the way the DTR came about was much different compared to the past. I was the one that brought it up and let the girl know of my feelings, instead of letting the relationship get to a point where she was forced to ask what is going on here, which is something I did countless times in the past. The cool thing about it is this girl and I have become better friends because of it, while in the past that friendship would of just faded away and she would have become nothing more than an acquaintance. When it comes to social awareness, it has come to my attention that I can be a very loud and completely unaware of how my actions affect those around me. So these are things I have began working on, realizing that there are appropriate times and places to act certain ways.
Spiritually it was yet another roller coaster of a year. Going along side what is written above, I feel I grew in the way I treat women, finally seeing them as sisters in Christ, and learning to guard my heart and protect theirs when interacting with them. I realized that the secret is not to avoid woman, which I tended to do in the fall semester, but to interact with them in an appropriate and God honoring manner realizing that since they are sisters in Christ, they can be an encouragement to me and me to them. There can be good friendships between brothers and sisters in Christ, but precautions must be taken, and it is the role of the guy that when feelings do develop, he made them known instead of playing games with her heart and his. Although if the guy does not do his job and make feelings known, before either is dragged too far in to an inappropriate emotional attachment the girl should most definitely speak up. Sadly there is a downside to my spiritual development this school year, and it came in the way of reoccurring sin and laziness. Laziness in completing work, laziness in building relationships, just laziness all around plagued my entire school year. I made it to about spring break working out on a regular bases, and then it just seemed to die. My fight against other sins, was weakened by this laziness to a point where it got very ugly at times. In a setting where holiness is the "cool way to live", it was hard to share my struggles with those around me and that pushed me further into a black hole to a point where personal devotions had died and I was beginning to enjoy my sin. Thankfully through reading portions of John Owen's Mortification of Sin (during the semester) and getting back on track with devotions this summer, God is helping me climb back out of that hole and drawing me nearer to Him showing me what sin really is, and how much of life is destroyed when you openly live in it. Also during the last month of school I was able to make more new friends than I had the entire school year, and I thank God for that.
So this summer I hope to recapture the spiritual discipline of reading my Bible daily and setting aside time for prayer. I have a fair amount of books I'd like to read, but understand that no book will help me unless it is supplemented and superseded by time in the word and my relationship with my Lord. I'd ask that those who ever take the time to read this would pray for me this summer, asking that God would "create in me a new heart, and renew a right spirit within me" as the psalmist says. Pray that I learn the value of time, and learn to use it wisely and make the most of it with my life. And finally, pray that every day, I grow closer to and more in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
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