Gone Too Long

It recently occurred to me this past week that it has been 2 and a half years since I wrote a blog, and even that last one was merely a re-sharing of a devotional I gave one night at Jill’s House. Prior to that, was April 2016, and so for all intents and purposes, it’s been over 3 years and that is not okay. Thus, I set out to once again put my thoughts and feelings on paper, because even though I do not do it as often as I’d like, the process of writing is very therapeutic for me.

If you haven’t heard yet, I am turning 29 in a couple of weeks and there are so many scary and exciting thoughts that come with that reality. Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, my 20’s are coming to an end, and I’m almost 30. It’s crazy to think that 9 years ago I hopped on a plane moved across the country and started my first semester at Master’s, 6 years ago, I graduated, and that I am coming up on my 6th Anniversary at working at Jill’s House.


Here are 2 reflections on my 20’s so far and 4 hopes I have for the next year and 30’s:

1. My 20’s were so much harder than I ever expected. My fight with depression and pornography defined so much of that time (and still does). Add student debt, a lack of romantic relationships, the self placed shame of living at home, and the failing health of my father to the fray, which all of these things intertwined with each other, and it’s been a long road. Some of the darkest times I have ever faced came in my 20’s, never to the point of wanting to die, but a crisis of faith and apathy of facing the days before me reared their ugly heads for sure.

2. Yet by God’s grace, there have been wonderful things about my 20’s as well. My college experience, though expensive, was incredible. Being a part of what God is doing in and through Jill’s House and the disability community over the last 6 years has been such a blessing. The friends I have made through school or work have been some of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I am also thankful to have a good amount of lifelong friends from both childhood and high school still be a part of my life as well. Because of my dad’s health issues, having the ability to save a good amount of money, and the relationships I have been able to form with my family, it has been helpful to live at home as well. And finally, my church family has been there for me through the thick and thin of all of it.


Life is often like that, we live in the tension of being a part of a fallen world, but at the exact same time, we get to experience the good gifts of our Father as well, all while trusting that He is making all things new, and will one day destroy sin, wipe away every tear, and bring us into His presence.


4 things I am hoping for in the next year and my 30’s:

1. I want to eradicate pornography from my life. It is first and foremost a sin against God. But not only that, it is inextricably linked with depression and sex trafficking, affects how I view women and myself, and it’s stolen a good portion of my joy. I am genuinely excited and believe that Christ and the Holy Spirit can do this work in me, and I want to know who I can be without it being a part of my life.

2. I want to move out by 30. Not because of the guilt and shame I’ve felt for living at home in the past, but because it is more and more becoming apparent that it is time and the right thing to do. By God’s grace I’ll be able to eliminate one of my 3 loans by the end of this year and begin the serious act of saving to make that happen.

3. I would like to get married and start a family one day, but am ok with the fact that it might not happen. The first steps are becoming the kind of man that is marriageable, and trusting that the Lord’s timing is perfect.

4. And finally, I want to continue growing in the image of Christ and learn to more fully trust that no matter what comes my way, He is going to use it for my good and for His glory. (Ok this last one is cheating a little bit because we know this to be something that He HAS promised to do!)



As always thanks for reading, have yourself a virtual cookie and wonderful rest of the day!